Strengths Based Leadership: Compassion
Strengths Based Leadership by Tom Rath and Barry Conchie offers four basic needs followers’ have in order to get behind a leader: trust, compassion, stability, hope. We’re sharing our stories with these basic needs as leaders of millennial individuals and teams throughout 18 years of management experience.
The event went terribly. It started late, and everyone who attended was quite confused about where they were supposed to be as a result of the location being switched at the last minute. It was an appreciation dessert for volunteers but there were hardly any volunteers there: out of over 100 invitees, there were 15 attendees. When I arrived, around the time the event was scheduled to begin, the person who had planned it was not present, and it was unclear what everyone in the room was supposed to be doing, so we were all uncomfortably standing around, staring at one another. The food arrived 20 minutes after all of us did, and there was waaayyy too much of it, and most people left about 10 minutes later. Obviously, there were some missteps in the execution of this project along the way.
One of the team members I supervised had planned the event, and it was glaringly evident we needed to have an in-depth evaluation of it—including everything from the planning to the marketing to the event execution. As the "person in charge," I recognized the responsibility I needed to take in the failure of the project. But, I was still baffled because the team member and I had spent significant time talking through everything that needed to happen in the planning process prior to, during and after the even to make it a success.
When we actually sat down to have the post-event conversation, the first thing I noticed was her posture. I walked into the room and she was already sitting in one of the office chairs. She was leaning over, with her shoulders slightly slumped, her head down, and was looking at her phone. If you're thinking, "well, duh, isn't that the typical posture of most of the people you've supervised?" (typically people in their 20s), the answer is yes, of course! But, she didn't look up at me when I walked in the office and sat down in the chair next to her. "What happened?" I asked. She looked up at me, her eyes brimming with tears and proclaimed, "it wasn't my fault!" She then launched in to an elaborate explanation of what happened that resulted in the terrible event I had just witnessed. At the end of her story, I replied by saying, "It sounds like this has been an incredibly difficult week for you. I'm so sorry that you've had a hard time. That sounds really frustrating." And no, this was not said with a sarcastic tone! I also didn't let her off the hook for the ways in which she failed to follow through on the project. We got to that feedback, eventually, but it was vital, after "reading the room" (so to speak) that I begin the debrief with some semblance of compassion. Without leading with compassion, we would have had a stand-off of blame and defensiveness that would have gotten us nowhere fast.
Compassion is one of the most basic needs for a leader to possess in order to ensure someone will follow her, and, ultimately, in order to get results from a team member. Unfortunately, most leaders are hesitant to show genuine compassion for the people they lead, at least in the same way they would with a friend or a family member for fear it communicates a lack of strength or wishy-washiness or something like that. But the results of multiple studies—especially with regard to millennials—show it is wise for leaders to be people who clearly care about each of their employees. For people to truly love an organization and want to be a part of it, it needs to have a heart and team members need to feel that someone is investing in him or her.
Madeline McNeely of Harvard's Professional Development Extension, says, "All of the research I’ve seen over the years about employee engagement really points, first and foremost, to the relationship with one’s immediate supervisor.” In order to care about their work, people need the assurance that someone cares for them!
Demonstrating compassion is key in establishing relationships and providing necessary engagement to team members. In Gallup's recent State of the American Workplace survey, what millennials seek is ongoing feedback, clear goals and “collaborative goal setting,” which gives them a voice in setting performance expectations they see as fair, relevant and challenging. However, it must be noted, without compassion, team members will often personalize any criticism, feedback, or difficult conflict and interactions. When compassion is central, critical feedback can be received.
Compassion can often conjure up images of a bleeding heart, someone who will shed a tear at the slightest hint of a sob story. Maybe pictures of care bears, ready to give a hug to whoever's close by. But really, it simply involves some active listening and empathy so a team member can know they are seen, heard and understood. Once a compassionate relationship is established, then a team member can be challenged in order to produce positive outcomes in their work.
The next time an employee—and particularly a younger team member—does (or doesn't do) something that makes you want to scream at them for the ways they have fallen short, take a beat and consider starting with compassion. It may seem counterintuitive, but it will go a long way in forging the relationships you need in order to truly lead a team of people excited to be led.
Janie Stuart is a coach with 18 years experience managing young employees and volunteers in the non-profit sector.
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