R-E-S-P-E-C-T
The Queen of Soul gave the invitation: “R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me.”
The question is now back on us as we mourn Aretha Franklin. Do we know what respect means in the places that matter to us? Is it possible that the respect you crave is different than the person you work with or the person you come home to?
A recent article by Kristie Rogers in the Harvard Business Review insightfully suggests that there are different types of respect that your employees and co-workers value: owed respect and earned respect.
According to Rogers, owed respect is the type of respect that helps an individual know they are included and valuable to a team or organization. It is a respect that communicates—even on your first day with a new team—a sense of belonging. In a work environment, it is a type of respect that gives one the benefit of the doubt in a “we’re both professionals” type of way. My 9-year-old son recently participated in his first week-long sleep away camp and, quite literally, returned a happy camper. One thing immediately notable that set a great tone upon arrival at camp is that each counselor, be it the person in charge or the counselor-in-training, has a camp name that denotes them as staff. In this particular case, having a camp name denotes respect—owed respect that communicates, "you are part of the team."
Conversely, lacking this type of respect typically leads to micromanagement, incivility and a sense to employees that they are generally dispensable.
The other type of respect, earned respect, recognizes the individual employee who displays valued qualities or behaviors. This is the respect that is earned not only because one did a good job, but did it in line with the desired values and culture of the team. This is merit-based respect. Simply put, it’s the recognition earned for doing good work.
I was once part of an organization that had a regular “honorable mention” during meetings. It was an opportunity for associates to affirm individually the actions and behaviors that went the extra mile. It was an effective moment to assess what the team valued and, of course, who was regularly being recognized. When there is a lack of this type of respect, Rogers notes, teammates may unknowingly seek to steal credit for other people’s successes or fail at recognizing the good work others have done. This type of respect (or lack thereof) can also reinforce positive and negative aspects of a team’s culture. Rogers states that the healthiest teams will strike a balance of these two types of culture, lest it breed an apathy from lots of owed respect but little earned respect, verses a culture of toxic competition if there is earned respect by not owed respect.
Now, back to Aretha’s invitation: What does respect mean to you?
My experience is that respect has to be recognized and received to be real. What do I mean? I worked for an organization that was really high on owed respect but really lacking on earned respect. The chief executive of the organization was very comfortable affirming the group as gifted, valuable and indispensable in the organization’s ability to deliver on it’s mission. But the lack of earned respect actually left the team feeling like their creativity and unique gifts and talents didn’t matter much. This, of course, was not the executive’s intention. In fact, the intention was to NOT leave anyone feeling alienated because there was probably more great work to recognize than the executive had capacity for. I share this to say that striking this balance requires thoughtfulness, intention and collaboration. It’s not as easy as one might think.
It’s helpful for managers and team leaders to ask questions and listen to the ways that the individuals on their team can receive the recognition and respect in ways that matter to them. For example, for me personally, when it comes to earned respect, it’s far more valuable to receive it as part of a relationship with an individual or small group than it is to be given a medal in front of a bunch of people. That said, the trophy ceremony might be important for the entire team to get a better idea of what values and behaviors are going to be reinforced.
So what does respect mean to our teams and to us individually? Does your team err on the side of owed or earned trust? What behaviors or recognitions communicate that you are respected in the places that matter?
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